And this week has probably been my hardest mentally and emotionally.
I dont normally mention anything to do with my mental health or my emotional state to anyone either physically or on social media, as I dont want to bother anyone and everyone else has their own stuff going on, but as I'm recording all of my lockdown activities, it feels redundant not to mention my feelings.
But it didnt really help much in regards to how I was feeling.
Whilst I was watching the concert I was reading The Switch as well and when that finished i segued into the singalong Disney shows that they had shown over in the USA, and whilst watching and listening to the music I finished The Switch.
Saturday 16th May
Saturday was a pretty quiet day for me. I spent most of the day continuing on with my watch of New Girl.
I really loved watching it years ago, but I stopped watching it, as I used to forget when it was on! So I'm really enjoying my rewatch and watching the episodes I missed, and as they're only half hour episodes, it means you finish alot more than you would if they were an hour long.
In the evening of Saturday I decided to treat myself to my first takeaway from lockdown.
Honestly it was so yummy! But since lockdown started, my appetite has dramatically decreased, even more so this past week, so unfortunately I couldn't finish it all of my burger.
Sunday 17th May
I had another lazy day on Sunday, I think its becoming a habit! But i did finish New Girl!
I did enjoy the final season and i was happy with how it ended, but I would have loved to have seen more from their flash forward.
I then started The Switch, which is such a good book!
Monday 18th May
So Monday....what can i say. Monday was the start if my bad week.
Having finished New Girl yesterday, I didnt want to jump straight into a new TV series, so I decided that I would see what films I'd previously started on Netflix a while ago but hadn't finished. The first film I had was Sandcastle which starred Nicholas Hoult and Henry Cavill. After I'd finished watching that one I went and had some breakfast, 2 crumpets.
I then went back up to my room and decided to watch another Henry Cavill film, Night Hunter, which also had Ben Kingsley in it. I really enjoyed this one, it was a crime drama, which I really enjoy any way.
I didnt do any reading or watch any other films after the film had finished, I just didnt have the energy.
By about 5/6 hit, I thought I should go and get some tea, but my feeling of having no energy extended itself to not having an appetite at all, I hadn't even snacked throughout the day, but the thought of even just having a piece of toast made me feel nauseous.
After this I decided to go back to my room, but I just couldnt focus and just felt that my ability to care was at an all time low.
Tuesday 19th May
After Mondays low point, I was awake at 7.30, but I still felt really low.
But I did manage to read some more of The Switch.
Because I still wasnt feeling great, I decided to go for a walk, to see if that would help bring my mood up. I decided to go on a different route than what I'd done previously, which was a nice change.
When i got home, I had my tea and read more of The Switch.
I tried to get some sleep, as I'd felt tired when I was reading, but sleep wouldn't come and I dont think I dropped off till after 3am.
Wednesday 20th May
As I've mentioned in previous weekly blogs, it doesn't matter what time I've fallen asleep, I'm still awake between 7 and 8.30.
I woke up feeling slightly better than I had over the previous few days.
I spent the morning watching Taylor Swifts concert that had been added on to Disney plus.
After I had finished reading I didnt really want to read anything else so I decided to do some painting.
This was the first time in a while that I'd felt like painting and I'd previously bought myself a small canvas that when I'd been doing nothing but painting I'd wanted to do something bookish on it.
So today I decided to do something related to my favourite quote from A Court of Mist and Fury, after being inspired when I'd done something similar for my friends little boys scrap book.
So I took a photo of it, which is below, I really like how the image came out, but not totally sold on my painted lettering.
Whilst I was painting I decided to catch up with the final few episodes of Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist.
Towards the end of the afternoon we had a visit from my sister, brother in law and the kids on their evening walk.
Whilst they were here, Cooper and Lola were playing with their hula hoops, and wanted me to have a go twirling the hoop round my arm, so I had a go, but it flew off and hit Lola in the chest. And because of social distancing, I couldn't give her a hug, I could only apologise and ask if she was ok, and this triggered a slight emotional breakdown. I burst into tears and just couldn't stop, the awful thing was that Lola also burst into tears, because she thought she'd made me cry.
Because I was in such a mess, and couldnt stop crying it also made my sister cry, because we're so close and she couldn't do anything as she knows I've struggled with my mental health, especially with depression in the past.
After my little breakdown I read a chapter of Escaping From Houdini.
Most probably due to the late night on Tuesday and the emotional evening, I was very tired and I think I fell asleep around 10.
Thursday 21st May
I woke up on Thursday and hoped I would have a better day, but as with Monday Id lost my appetite again and couldnt stomach the thought of eating anything. I managed a round of toast for tea.
But i decided to have a TV catch up day. I decided that I really wanted to catch up on NCIS LA, which is due to have its final episode on sunday and I hadn't seen any past episode 4! Whilst i was watching NCIS LA I spent the time playing the Sims.
Friday 22nd May
I woke up on Friday and felt a marginally better. But I had errands to run for my nana as she wanted some shopping so I nipped to the local farm and after my enjoyment of painting on the canvas on wednesday I nipped into home bargains and bought some more. I decided to buy some in different sizes.
Since lockdown started I've been wanting to make homemade cookies, so I found a recipe on line and decided to make some!
They turned out really well and I'm really impressed with myself, as I would normally use a packet mix.
Whilst I was baking I decided to listen to the first chapter of Harry Potter and the philosopher's stone narrated by Daniel Radcliffe, hes really very good at narrating the story, I really loved it!
Towards the end of the day i decided to continue with my NCIS LA catch up and continued playing the Sims.
Writing up this week has been hard for me, I wasnt sure if I wanted to, which is why it's taken me a while to post it. But I hope you've all had a good week and keeping safe.
Vanessa.
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